Naomi Casement Therapy
Couples Therapy
Struggling Communication
Are You Struggling To Connect and Communicate With Your Partner?
Your relationship with your partner is thought of as an important shared connection. You enter into the commitment with joy and enthusiasm, often with the belief that things will be “happily ever after”. People don’t enter into relationships thinking that hardships will arise. They want to envision and feel the goodness the relationship brings. You both hold beautiful dreams of building a committed life together; working side by side, knowing that your partner is there for you, and has your back.
At times, good well intended people, find themselves feeling confused over how they have gotten to experiencing more arguments and misunderstandings with one another. The misunderstandings may lead to feeling not heard, and feeling invalided. Resentment builds, and the couple becomes less tolerant of each other’s perceptions and perspectives.
They may silently hold inside themselves the belief that they are a failure to their partner. Sometimes, one may even shut down and not address issues as they fear their partner’s reaction.
If infidelities or other betrayals occur, the betrayed partner is deeply wounded by the discovery. It is not uncommon that the response comes out in anger, as the wound is deep to their core. They are in a state of shock from the discovery and are trying to regain their balance. The betrayer often holds guilt and shame that is all consuming. They don’t know how to cope with this shame and guilt. This may come out in defensive reactions. They may even shut down emotionally and try to find ways to divert explanations when their partner is seeking answers. The couple is stuck in a negative cycle that they don’t know how to get out of.
Reactions such as fear, anxiety, anger, and even disconnection/distance from one another become so large that they struggle or don’t hold space for one another; they turn away. Both may hold an unsettled anxious feeling and even fear the relationship may end, escalating the feelings of uncertainty and reactions between them.
Relationship Challenges
Are you both experiencing challenges and unsure where to turn for guidance?
Are you and your partner feeling that the fun and intimate connection you both had is fading? Are you both longing for closeness again? People know that couples therapy is available but fear reaching out to seek help for many reasons. According to Dr. John Gottman, a revered marriage therapist and researcher on relationships, wrote on what predicts divorce. He said that a low 19% of couples seek out some form of therapy for their relationship and that an average couple will wait for 6 years before seeking any kind of professional help for their struggles. Perhaps this is due to the stigma against couples therapy, believing that you keep your problems “in house” and that you handle things on your own. Or, fear may be felt, thinking that they will be seen as the one causing the problems in the relationship. If you are looking for information on how to help your relationship here are some glaring signals for you to consider as your relationship may be working toward trouble.
You are feeling contemptuous toward your partner. You find yourself making or you are hearing sarcastic remarks and responses when you try to communicate. You give or see the “eye rolling” response when one partner is saying or doing something. One may find themselves viewing their partner more as the enemy to your happiness; “you did this to me”.
The defensive stance is alive. When you interact with one another, one or both partners react quickly and defensively. This stance can escalate quickly when one or both people are not able to accept the other’s outlook or perspectives. Often apologies are not made as it shows how stuck they are in their communication with one another.
Finding yourself daydreaming about being with someone else. When needs are not being met, people do not feel understood by the other, or the couple is disconnecting more and more (lack of emotional availability), one may fantasize about what it might be like with someone else. You may ask yourself what might it be like if we were separated or what if I were with someone else. You both have gotten to withdrawing from one another to avoid conflict. You sense the closeness is not there and you feel the loneliness coming in. As s result, you may entertain fantasizing thoughts of being with another, but fear addressing the issues with each other.
Relationship Rebuild
What should I expect from Couples Therapy?
If you are considering seeking out professional help, note that you are not alone. It takes continual work and learning of how to communicate with one another, hear the other with openness and be able to stay present while listening, and not interrupt and try to “fix the other”.
At your first meeting you, your partner, and the therapist are getting to know one another. Your therapist wants to hear each of your perspectives, beliefs, and experiences. You will both get the chance to be able to express this in a safe environment without being judged. Your therapist is asking questions to help guide you in a respectful way for you to be able to be understood. Your therapist is looking to understand your sequence of interaction with you and your partner and also wants to understand the negative triggering behaviors that erupt. Your therapist is not taking sides but needs to discern the actions that do occur to help you gain awareness of those patterns. Learning the sequences and the negative cycle that gets ignited may take several sessions. But once the couple understands this sequence, they are more in a place to be able to learn tools and begin to practice the new responses in the future sessions to come. Repeated practice strengthens the new tools that are learned that helps the couple to turn toward one another again with feelings of safety and openness.
You can expect that at times emotions surface and wounds are exposed. Your therapist is there to help you navigate that with one another in a supportive, respectful way. Your personal situation is held confident and sides are not taken by the therapist. When you feel that you have space, safety, and respect is when you will be able to take the step to open up to be able to process what is being held inside.
Couples Therapy
Are You Wanting to Do All That You Can for Your Relationship?
If you and your partner are ready to see how you can learn how to take your relationship to the next level by learning how to repair, communicate with openness, hear one another without the desire to try to change one another and strengthen your bond, I am here to support you on your journey forward.
Call me at (810) 964-5400 or email me at nvcase0911 @outlook.com to schedule your couples or marriage counseling appointment. You can get started on the road of new discovery and positive interaction. I look forward to hearing from you.
JOIN OUR COMUNITY
Together We Will Continue To Grow
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